Chris felt frustrated. He’d worked for the past seven months—attending our groups, going to counseling, and reading self-help books, and he was confident he’d improved. However, his partner did not recognize change in his behavior. Brianna could relate to Chris. She,...
Carlos felt lonely and longed for more time and connection with his wife. He tried to get her to pay more attention to him, but it sounded to her like criticism, which just made their relationship worse. In fact, she withdrew further, leaving Carlos feeling even more...
Dave gets upset when his partner points out his past mistakes. Recently, he began thinking about those errors differently—he started accepting mistakes as part of being human. This shift in mindset, Dave says, has taken away much of the sting when someone reminds him...
It’s date night. You’ve organized the babysitter, booked a table, and left work early to get to the restaurant on time. Then, your partner is thirty minutes late. How do you ensure this doesn’t happen next time, without causing a huge scene and ruining the date...
Those of us working to stop violent or abusive behavior often find changing our actions can be stubbornly difficult. It’s not until we focus on the link beween identity and behavior that we’re able to make much headway. It turns out that identity—how we see...
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