Challenge Thoughts

We know that violent reactions come when our emotions are highly charged.  But did you know that our emotions come from our thoughts? Here’s how this can play out in our mind:

• Someone, like our partner, says or does something that happens to push one of our buttons. We call these upsetting words or actions “triggers”.
• Distorted thinking causes us to misinterpret the information or action as awful and a threat to our well-being. Note: these thoughts often happen very quickly and without our noticing them. A series of four or five thoughts leading to a wrong conclusion can take a fraction of a second.
• Because we see a threat, our minds generate very strong, negative emotions like hurt or fear.
• These powerful emotions tell us we need to take action: fight or flee.
• Our bodies respond, sometimes by using force (violence), in an attempt to change the situation and make it “safe” for ourselves.

If we change the thoughts that happen after a trigger event, we change our emotions, which in turn can eliminate our destructive behavior.  Because these thoughts happen very quickly and at a subconscious level, it takes time and effort to tune in to the original thoughts that lead to our reaction. Like the slow motion process we talked about in Step 2, revisiting those times when we got angry can help us see what’s happening.

Journaling is a technique that helps us gain better insight into the thoughts that lead us to strong reactions. The journaling we’re talking about here is a specific process, not just writing down whatever comes to mind. By repeating this process over and over, we begin to disconnect our buttons. As a result, we are angry less often. And, when we do get angry, it is with less intensity. Like almost everything we learn in life, this process of challenging thoughts becomes easier and faster with practice. Click the button below to learn more about how you can journal to unpack your emotional triggers.