Chris felt frustrated. He’d worked for the past seven months—attending our groups, going to counseling, and reading self-help books, and he was confident he’d improved. However, his partner did not recognize change in his behavior. Brianna could relate to Chris. She,...
In a group meeting the other day, someone asked about the change process. When might they start seeing results? How long will the change process take to finish? These are common questions for those beginning their work to stop harmful or abusive behavior. I totally...
After my divorce, I told my counselor that I’m the kind of person who needs to be in a relationship. “You know,” he said. “There’s a difference between wanting and needing a relationship.” Huh? I’d heard others make that statement before and I didn’t get it. Want –...
I looked at the calendar today and realized that ten years have passed since the events that I now affectionately call my personal grand slam. These were a series of four seismic incidents that all happened within a five-week period. I share my story to encourage...
Years ago, after I’d assaulted my wife, I decided to focus on stopping that bad behavior. Several months passed and it felt like I was doing better. I’d still get upset sometimes, but by taking a time-out I could avoid the really damaging acts. Honestly, I was...
The other day I learned about “Rat Park,” an experiment that gave some big clues as to how environment affects behavior. Scientists placed one group of rats in small, bare, cages with no company. They put another group all together in Rat Park, a large area with lots...
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