Those of us working to stop violent or abusive behavior often find changing our actions can be stubbornly difficult. It’s not until we focus on the link beween identity and behavior that we’re able to make much headway. It turns out that identity—how we see...
The first time Kevin came to our group, he wasn’t completely convinced he needed to be there. He knew that using violence toward his partner was wrong, but he also didn’t think he should have to take everyone’s crap. As he dug deeper, Kevin discovered that his “tough”...
Jamal kept tight reins on his wife: making decisions, controlling their money, and telling her how to dress. In his mind, he needed to stay in charge to keep her from embarrassing herself and him. He’s been humiliated enough in his life as a kid, and he swore he was...
As I worked to change my abusive and sometimes violent behavior, I wondered: why do I struggle with emotional control when other people don’t? Why am I so sensitive to certain situations, while others think nothing of them? If you’re asking the same questions, the...
Domestic violence and abuse can take many forms. On the surface, acts like physical abuse, emotional manipulation, and excessive jealousy seem to be very different things. When we dig deeper, however, we often find there’s one key factor driving all of this abusive...
I will always be a loyal fan of the Iowa State Cyclones. I have so many great memories of watching them with friends and family. But there are also a few not-so-great memories of times when they had a big game and… choked. Years ago, I used to get so upset when...
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