A frequent question we hear from individuals who are trying to stop hurting the ones they love is, “Do you know any good domestic violence counselors in my area?” Our answer is yes, we have a “Find a Counselor” button on our Counseling page that can help generate a...
Eric was struggling to see himself doing any of the ideas of how to stop violence that were being discussed in the domestic abuse help group. Jeff’s suggestion to Eric during a domestic violence program was brilliant: “If you can’t imagine yourself reacting...
Last week I wrote about value-guided decisions—that process of acting on situations based on our long-term values rather than short-term feelings. We talked about how being clear about our values gives us better long-term outcomes in relationships. This is...
I made dinner for my partner Lynn on Monday night, even though I didn’t feel like it. I’m glad I decided to do something I didn’t feel like doing. I know I’m not making sense yet, so let me start from the beginning. We had some conflict on Sunday and the issue was...
Back in the day, if someone gave me the choice between going to my (now ex-) wife’s company holiday party or having needles stuck under my fingernails, I would have taken the needles. Without hesitation. Pick a different form and I’d choose the torture in a heartbeat....
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends who owns a chain of weight-loss and fitness centers posted an Ideal Body Weight chart on his page and simply asked the question, “What do you think of this?” Some pointed out that muscle mass should also be a consideration—a fair...
Welcome to the new year! Have you made any New Year’s resolutions? As you look ahead, are you excited about the possibilities, or are you looking at it with dread and fear? If you’re dealing with legal issues and relationship loss because of committing an act of...
Both times I saw my dad get physically violent with my mom were when he was drunk. Many in the domestic abuse community say that alcohol does not cause domestic violence, and I agree. If it did, everyone who drank would commit violence against his or her partner....
For those of us who have committed an act of domestic violence, how we think about what we’ve done has big implications on how we respond. Feeling ashamed won’t help. Feeling guilty is healthy. It may seem like these two statements contradict each other, but the...
Terry and Amber’s marriage had been struggling. Their fights seemed to get worse, and then one of those arguments escalated into Terry striking Amber. Things between them became even chillier after that incident. Terry wanted their marriage to work, so he suggested...
The day Tim’s wife told him she was separating from him and filing for a divorce, he blew a gasket. The argument that ensued quickly escalated. Tim first blocked the door to try to prevent her from leaving. Then, he pushed her away when she tried to get by him. He...
What it means for domestic violence treatment programs I recently read about a study that said people feel more empathy for dogs than each other. The research showed people fake news clips of a brutal attack on 4 different victims: a puppy, an older dog, a...
Look at that new BMW. That must have cost a lot of money. I couldn’t afford a car like that. I’m not that successful. I’m really not very successful at all. As a matter of fact, I’m kind of a loser. I must be a real disappointment to my parents and wife for being such...
I got an email from Rick the other day. His girlfriend just broke up with him, saying his “over the top” jealousy was one of the big reasons for leaving. She saw his behavior as controlling and felt it was a warning sign that he was going to become abusive if she...
Can you read minds? Now you might be thinking, “What kind of question is that?” But if you’re anything like me, there have probably been times when you didn’t have all the information, yet you were sure that you knew what the other person was thinking. Last week, I...
This past summer I went to an outdoor concert to hear my favorite band. It was a perfect summer evening, with warm temperatures and a gentle breeze to cool us as we sat in the grandstands. There were two people near me who missed most of this great concert, however....
One of our community members, LF, offers a personal story about the concept of accountability and the freedom and power it gives us, especially for those of us who are on a journey of change. Thanks, LF! –Michael “When you blame others, you give up your power to...
While the Ananias Foundation is still a relatively new organization, we’ve worked hard for several months to put key pieces in place. We had a very long “To Do” list from the beginning, and we’ve systematically checked off many of those initial items as the year...
During the time period when I was being physically abusive to my wife, she asked me a really tough question–why did I hit her and not anyone else? Did I hate her, or women in general? My answer was no, just the opposite. Still, I couldn’t explain why I would...
One of our top recommended resources is a book titled, “Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way” by Gary Chapman. LF read the book and shared some highlights of what you’ll find inside this 196-page paperback. Thanks LF, for your contribution to the...
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